Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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