I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
