I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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