her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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