i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
