So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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