I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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