Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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