The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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