I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
