so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
