So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
