Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
