i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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