it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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