There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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