we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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