the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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