i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
