And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
