Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
