Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
BRING THE BAGELS
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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