If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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