when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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