"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
