youre lurking in front of me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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