I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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