Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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