hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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