WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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