hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
