Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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