I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
