Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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