i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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