is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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