According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
