we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
