His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
