Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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