there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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