They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
