remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
