just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
