My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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