I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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