When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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