Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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