i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
