thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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