Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
