i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
