She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
