you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
