Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
