Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
